This thing used to have a title

I have no idea what to say here.

I wrote a bunch of shit out. I'm told I looked even more stressed after I had just hit the last keystroke so I've now sent it off to the land of wind & ghosts.

On February 14th, I celebrated my 5th & 10th anniversary with my husband. The last decade was wrought with lies on both sides, infidelities, both physical and emotional, breakups, separate apartments and at the end of the day and unflinching knowledge that we both fought so hard to overcome all of it because at the heart of it all, we do love each other.

We still do. Chances are likely that we'll never not. But we've decided to stop facing countless battles in years to come over trying to prove that love enough is all it takes to over come very real problems.

He loves marathon sex, I'm of the short & sweet variety.

He likes me to talk dirty, I like to be gagged.

He likes wild & crazy threesomes, foursomes & more somes, I prefer to be with one person at a time.

At the end of the day, he was willing to go the extra mile for me in almost every key area I needed him to, but I couldn't get myself to the level he needed me to be sexually.

And in all fairness, this morning when I woke up, I thought we were ending things for a different reason.

I thought it came down to honesty.

A few hours. Some meaningful discussion and here it is world, I'm single because I couldn't see my way to satisfying my husband myself...or relenting and bringing someone else in to do it for me.

I don't disagree. I didn't come at my marriage with a "by any means necessary" attitude. God damn it, I did for years, but that fire to keep my man even if it meant gagging until I couldn't see straight....the oil ran out.

I love him. I want him to be happy with someone that is on par with him in any area of his life that is a major area of his life. Our sex drives aren't even close to similar and they never will be...he deserves to be with someone who can make him happy in the physical sense. Who will go that extra mile in every area to "keep her man happy".

I've tried like hell in the past and I can't even get a solid answer that I've ever been able to be "on par". (noted exception: when I'm drunk. ask around. I turn into S. Woww Tittybangs over here.)

So in the interest of being happy, we've decided to stop throwing good money after bad.

We make great friends. We do. When we're not liable for putting each other as our highest priority every second of the day, we actually do tend to do the right thing by each other. When it isn't something that has to be done-something done simply because we do give a shit about each other, we're a lot better off.