Or shall I say hyposthesis with myself as the test subject. Not exactly prize winning scientific study here, but "you go to war with the army you have, not the army you want to have." (D. Rumsfield)
My thoughts are that if I recognize that I suddenly feel like I am waking up feeling more tired than when I went to bed. I'm hostile at the drop of a dime. I want to cry when I'm not otherwise engaged in picking fights. My insomnia is in full swing, my mind won't slow down about the most inane things. And I have an overwhelming notion that if I were to drop dead of a heart attack or blood clot in the next 2 minutes, shit happens and people die. Que sera, sera, I suppose.
I'd say I'm depressed. Now if the first step to fixing a problem is identifying it, I should be well on my way.
Oh, and if you haven't caught on yet, I'm choosing to take an approach that likens depression to addiction.
If I am aware of my depression and I can find its root cause, I can attack it at the source. Meds to treat the symptoms are nice, but do nothing to heal, simply mask the problem.
The obvious answer here is to pull a charlie sheen. I shall blink and cure my ailment. Here we go.
Nope, still numb.
Perhaps a fake smile, some Mary Kay Place on SNL style Pep....I'll give fake it til you make it a go for a day or two and see where it lies....
I know enough about my body to know that I'm not chemically depressed...this is not physiological and is merely psychological.
I broke something in me, now I gotta trot out the service vehicle while I put the inner me up on the lift and stare at her with a wrench in my hand. I'll come up with something to fix me...the answer's gotta be around here somewhere.
0 comments:
Post a Comment